GRANDPARENTS
AS POSITIVE ROLE MODELS I’m writing this article not only from a psychological
perspective, but also as a personal perspective. I am grandmother to four
grandchildren and five step-grandchildren, all unique and special. I can honestly
say the changing of the guard (going from parenting to grandparenting) takes on
a new perspective which is rewarding, fun and interactive, and sometimes
challenging trying to provide the needed support and relief for parents. I thought it would be interesting to ask my
husband what his thoughts are concerning the influence of a grandparent as a
positive role model in today’s society. Jokingly his response was something
like “Grandparent’s role is to help their grandchildren create new mischief and
have fun doing it!” This approach is an actual psychological style of
grandparenting. If you’re that kind of grandparent, you are what is called the
“fun-seeking” grandparent. The fun
grandparent only wants to make sure grandchildren have fun! Reinforcing
parental structure and teachable moments is not top priority with fun-seeking
style of grandparenting. Although my husband was joking, this is a common
approach today. By the way, my husband thought that idea was funny and he is
definitely a fun grandparent, however he is very much a grandparent who
interacts, encourages, and is an extension of family structure reinforcing what
parents want and will allow children to do when they visit. When grandparents
keep a balance between being the fun grandparent and the formal grandparent,
they are an extension of the parental structure. These two approaches combined
enhance greater emotional support and cohesiveness for the family. The “formal
approach” or style is showing strong interest in their grandchildren, leave
parenting to grandchildren’s parents and are careful not to give uninvited
advice. Key to being a grandparent who reinforces the structure of the
family unit is communication with parents, and mutual respect. Parents should
initiate the communication with grandparents letting them know what their expectations
are while grandchildren are in the care of their grandparent. The expectation
of a grandparent is then out in the open and grandparents can openly say what
they are comfortable doing or not doing. This initial open communication with
respect is a way to avoid possible future misunderstandings on expectations. Grandparents are observed and watched by little ones making
the influence tremendous and rewarding in life of a grandparent. Grandparents
teach just by spending time with their grandchildren, not ever having to
verbally teach anything. Grandparents influence the way grandchildren view the
world around them, so much so there are times children want to grow up to be
more like their grandparent than anyone else. Grandparents wear many “hats” in the family when it comes to
relationships with grandchildren and their own children. Grandparents can provide
support emotionally or physically for grandchildren and children. In today’s
society both parents typically work and the ability to rely upon a grandparent
for help in caring for physical needs and emotional needs of grandchildren is
such a stress release for the parents, at the same time rewarding for the
grandparent. Studies have shown grandparents that see their grandchildren
frequently and interact with their lives seem happier with life in their older
age and have less depression. They feel needed, wanted and a part of the family
unit. One of the strong benefits of being an interactive and available
grandparent is building relationship with grandchildren who someday may need to
talk with a loving, listening grandparent as opposed to talking with a parent.
When those special moments occur, the years of interaction as grandparent will
pay off. How important is it in today’s society to have someone who you know
loves you and wants the best for you give you sound advice who has wisdom
beyond your youth? I would say extremely valuable. To all the parents, make
time for grandchildren to know their grandparents. Grandparents, don’t be too
busy or unavailable. This is your legacy and grandchildren need your input.
Their parents need your support. Connection and cohesive loving, warm family
environments promote secure children who then turn around and give the security
and safe environment to their children. For those who are less fortunate to
have grandparents, or grandparents who for whatever reason cannot help, there
are plenty of elderly who would love to take on a supportive grandparenting
role. They probably need the family as much as you would need them! By Georgia Smith-Lyle, MA, LPC-S GPS Counseling |